Bad girl 2- My Immortal inspiration

#1
Bad Girl II

I was suffering. Not from outer pain, but from pain inside. It would take too long to explain where it came from or how long it was inside me, I just can admit it’s been there longer than anyone knows. You think I was dishonest? Untruthful to my Master ?
I think you are right, but I did not know it then. I just wanted to vanish, to leave everything important to me behind. I wanted to go if I had known how, I even played joyful games with death. It all ended in a letter telling my Master to leave me behind, to forget and to forgive. I was frightened to death, as I knew he was the only one being able to help me, and the closer it felt, the harder I tried to push it away.

[i:b9f46f1b57]And it won't leave me alone!
I'm so tired of being here,
suppressed by all of my childish fears!
And if I have to leave,
I wish that you would just leave before.
'cause your presence still lingers here,
and it won't leave me alone![/i:b9f46f1b57]

[i:b9f46f1b57]These wounds won't seem to heal,
this pain is just too real!!
There's just too much that time cannot erase![/i:b9f46f1b57]

Life was working hard on me and I just wanted to do it alone, to win or lose. We all know we don’t exist alone, but I wanted to. I knew there was a world outside there, existing, waiting, I just had to grab it, ask for it, but there was nothing I wanted less. Memories floated through my mind, memories of a future long gone, that was destroyed because of my fears, that I could not rebuild. My live was going into a direction I could not control anymore, that was above me, like a turning wheel I could not stop.

[i:b9f46f1b57]Wake me up inside.
I can't wake up.
Wake me up inside.
Save me.
Call my name and save me from the dark.
Wake me up.
Bid my blood to run.
I can't wake up.
Before I come undone
Save me.
Save me from the nothing I've become.[/i:b9f46f1b57]

But this is where I ended up:

“Do you really think it’s so easy to put me off?â€
Last edited by slavelless on 2004/08/02 - 15:08, edited 2 times in total.
~~ If you found a natural diamond, would you not give it to the best shaper you could possibly get? ~~

~~~Are you game?~~~

#2
“So, Explain it to me!â€
~~ If you found a natural diamond, would you not give it to the best shaper you could possibly get? ~~

~~~Are you game?~~~

#3
If he would only hurt me, punish me, beat me. I was longing for a pain to stop all this, and I thought about asking for it, but I knew for sure he wouldn’t let me get away as easy as that this time. I knew the suffering just started, and I myself had pushed it onto another level.
My live had gone out of control, and I had tried to escape his control. How could I? Don’t ask, we all know it’s impossible, but still, a small daemon inside me insisted on trying.
Protect me from what I want!!
I felt guilt rush over me like a wave of cold water trying to drown me, to tear me down to a new world, a new path I never thought of before. Did he know about it? About all the thoughts inside me at that special moment? People say they remember their whole pasts when they are near dying. I remembered my whole future as I was near finding my path into live again, only I was unable to realise it. I’m sure he did.
He did not disturb me in my silence, he only made me lie down, bound me strongly but without any pain, I didn’t even notice it until I started to talk to him later on. But that was far ahead.
Why did he know I didn’t need and couldn’t stand any pain than, any pain that was more than psychical?
I felt his presence beside me, waiting, resting, giving a strength I lacked myself for a long time.
“Take your time, but I expect an answer!â€
~~ If you found a natural diamond, would you not give it to the best shaper you could possibly get? ~~

~~~Are you game?~~~

#4
It must have been hours later when I realized something was going on. Had I slept?
It seemed as if I had slept for the first time throughout the last months and at the same time as if I had slept forever and was now able to wake up.

[i:0af5f5da6b]I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems
Got to open my eyes to everything[/i:0af5f5da6b]

My mind was calm and peaceful. draged with no memories or fears, just longing to understand, to feel, fo find, to be forgiven. I noticed that my eyes were still wet under the blindfold. Had I cried out during sleep? had I mourned? I felt so emty, but empty in the reassuring way of attending to be filled with life and sense again.
Who am I? Am I a slave?
Am I his slave? Still his?
I tried not to panic again, tried to remember all trust I had once felt.
Serenity.
"Please punish me for what I am thinking about!", I didn't even realize U uttered the thought aloud, but he must have heard me.
I tried to move closer to him, into the direction I expected him to be, but I could literally not move. He must have tied me to the bed while I was sleeping. Streched arms before my head, my feet tied together, hanging out of one side of the bed. I felt he even undressed me.
Had I slept that soundly?
I felt that he put away the cosy sheet that had covered me warmly, hiding me from the outside while my inner self was vanishinig into endless dreams until he woke me up.

[i:0af5f5da6b]Without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and lead it back home[/i:0af5f5da6b]

t.b.c
~~ If you found a natural diamond, would you not give it to the best shaper you could possibly get? ~~

~~~Are you game?~~~

#5
u know what i suggest u start writing books collecting all these great stuff after all bill clinton is not the only good write around. ;)

#6
But he's better at lying than I am;))
~~ If you found a natural diamond, would you not give it to the best shaper you could possibly get? ~~

~~~Are you game?~~~

#8
I didn't mean you, i ment clinton !;))
~~ If you found a natural diamond, would you not give it to the best shaper you could possibly get? ~~

~~~Are you game?~~~

#9
ooohh sorry for misunderstanding of course if we r going to talk about politicians u can only count how many true words he can say in his life ;)

#10
I think about 5:)

My name is **** *****.
And even that doesn't have to be for real.
Maybe we should punish them all for being what they are;)
~~ If you found a natural diamond, would you not give it to the best shaper you could possibly get? ~~

~~~Are you game?~~~

#11
lol...yeaah a cool idea instead of them doing that to people through the power in their hands....but u remind of a joke that a reporter was asking a famous politician about how many times he lied in his life? so he answered none out dignity and honesty so the reporter answered back ok then this is your first lie..!!
well nobody heared of the reporter after that...i think he must have joined our platform to talk about his experience. !!

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests

cron